"There's one thing pretty evident," I said, "that you mustn't do.

If you go out of doors, you'll go up and up." I waved an arm upward.

"They'd have to send Santos-Dumont after you to bring you down again."



"I suppose it will wear off?"



I shook my head. "I don't think you can count on that," I said.



And then there was another burst of passion, and he kicked out

at adjacent chairs and banged the floor. He behaved just as I should

have expected a great, fat, self-indulgent man to behave under trying

circumstances--that is to say, very badly. He spoke of me and

my great-grandmother with an utter want of discretion.



"I never asked you to take the stuff," I said.



And generously disregarding the insults he was putting upon me,

I sat down in his armchair and began to talk to him in a sober,

friendly fashion.



I pointed out to him that this was a trouble he had brought upon

himself, and that it had almost an air of poetical justice. He had

eaten too much. This he disputed, and for a time we argued the point.



He became noisy and violent, so I desisted from this aspect

of his lesson. "And then," said I, "you committed the sin of euphuism.

You called it not Fat, which is just and inglorious, but Weight. You--"



He interrupted to say he recognised all that. What was he to DO?



I suggested he should adapt himself to his new conditions. So we

came to the really sensible part of the business. I suggested that

it would not be difficult for him to learn to walk about on the ceiling

with his hands--



"I can't sleep," he said.



But that was no great difficulty. It was quite possible, I pointed out,

to make a shake-up under a wire mattress, fasten the under things

on with tapes, and have a blanket, sheet, and coverlet to button

at the side. He would have to confide in his housekeeper, I said;

and after some squabbling he agreed to that. (Afterwards it was

quite delightful to see the beautifully matter-of-fact way with which

the good lady took all these amazing inversions.) He could have

a library ladder in his room, and all his meals could be laid on

the top of his bookcase. We also hit on an ingenious device by which

he could get to the floor whenever he wanted, which was simply to put

the British Encyclopaedia (tenth edition) on the top of his open

shelves. He just pulled out a couple of volumes and held on, and down

he came. And we agreed there must be iron staples along the skirting,



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